Back, and not TRYING this time!!

Wow it's been a while and so much has happened. Not even gonna get into all the things that went wrong or all the things that have happened since my last post. I'm just going to focus on now and the future. I'm also not going to say that this time will be the last time because i've always said that and it always seemed to doom me to failure. This time i will simply DO my best, not TRY to do my best and see where that takes me.
I finally joined a gym over the weekend and tonight i took the first step in dealing with my inner issues and went and faced all those people who i had always assumed were laughing at me or talking behind my back. While i was totally uncomfortable, i still did it. I started with 5 min of a calorie burning program on treadmill (burned 52 calories) and then did about 15 min. of upper body strength training on weight machines. Then i did 15 min on a bicycle (burned 101 calories) and followed that with 32 min. on treadmill again on a calorie burning routine but i upped the speed and the incline throughout the workout (burned 298 calories). It was awesome!!! I feel so refreshed and so good. I just hope i can keep up the excitement so that i can continue to go and work out.
My goal starting tomorrow is to drink 120 oz. of water a day (half my body weight). Yes, i'm up to a whopping 240 lbs. Again, i'm not going to focus on the whys or hows, i'm just going to focus on the now. I also am going to try to eat every 2 to 3 hours healthy meals and snacks and make sure i get plenty of protein. No more fried foods, white flours, pork, sugars, or sodas. It's a lot, but i've tried weaning myself before and that hasn't work so this time i'm just going to cut it out cold turkey. I always tell people who smoke that it can't be that hard to quit, they just have to want to do it. Now i guess it's time i practice what i preach.
Met a lot of really nice people through the comp i started last time and i hope some of you will still bother to stop and send me a note sometime. Would really appreciate the support and i'm sorry for giving up on you all before. I know that i gave up on myself, but i feel that i also gave up on everyone who believed in me. Hope everyone has a blessed night and until next post.......

I'm DONE!!

Okay, For all the people who stuck behind me and thought i could do this, i'm sorry.. For myself... I'm sorry...

I was only kidding myself in telling myself and everyone that i was doing this for me. Truth was my husband never wanted anything to do with me and i had convinced myself that if i could just look better and prove to him i could do it it might change things..

Today we actually had the opportunity to go and and have fun together.. Kids are spending the night at their big sisters house so we had all night to spend time together. Met around 6, went out to eat, and left at around eight o'clock... He headed home.. Didn't want to go do anything else.. Didn't plan on us doing anything together at home.. told me i could go pick up the kids if i wanted to.

Okay, i love this man with all my heart.. he is a wonderful person and a great dad... For the most part treats me really well, he is just emotionally empty towards me.. Never talks, never touches, never kisses, etc.

After tonight and crying for the past two hours i decided i just don't care.. I will still eat better, drink more water, and exercise some for myself, but i'm not trying anymore.. It's not worth it.

Karilynn... ur an amazing support system and i love you for being there.. i'm sorry i'm quitting on you.

I read all these stories from you guys and see how hard your working and some of you.. how much your husbands are showing you support and i am SOOOOO proud of you all.. you are doing so awesome and i hope you guys rock this month. I'll probably still do the weigh ins just so i can say i didn't walk out on the competition but i'm not expecting anything.. Love you guys oodles...

nov weigh in

Well I guess I'm still in which really shocks me but I'm thrilled. I'm so close to being out of the 220s I can almost taste it. I will be by next wkend. Can't wait to see how everyone else has done! As with last time I can't upload a pic on here but it did get emailed to melissa. My weight this month was....

221.6

Almost 5 lbs!!!

Feeling better and Birthday Present

So I feel much better now and for my bday everyone pitched in and got me a new pair of the skechers shape up walking shoes. I have started back shredding with jillian michaels and the scale this morning said 223.4. Yay! I'm closer to being below 220. Maybe by next week. Still haven't quite figured out my new phone but wanted to post. Sorry haven't been commenting much but u all r doing awesome. Can't wait for weigh in on first!

Sick

Okay, I didn't want to miss a blog even though i don't feel like doing anything. I have been on the couch most of this week and finally went to ER last night where they confirmed my suspicions that i have H1N1 and it could last up to a couple of weeks.. No fun... So i really don't have much to update about my diet or exercise, i just wanted to follow the rules and not miss a blog. You guys are doing so well, keep up the good work. Hopefully i get to feeling better soon.

Today's Weigh In

Grrrrr... I can't upload a pic on my computer, but i did email the pic to melissa.. so here's what my weight was for this month.

226.2

No Reasons, because reasons are just excuses... I guess i'm just happy that i didn't gain or stay the same as my original weight.. I have this next month to look forward to, right? Wishing everyone luck on their weigh in's and this next month.

Shredding

So I got this exercise video today and have a new menu plan I decided to start trying tomorrow. I got a new exercise outfit today also. I hope to do enough exercise to where I have a need to expand my workout wardrobe. I have been watching what I eat and walking a LOT but I still am not really seeing any results. I plan to follow this menu and do the video at 515 in the mornings b4 I get my kids up for school....eat breakfast,take them to school and then walk walk and walk some more until I can build up to where I can start running some. I decided to try the video today when I got home with it. I've never been huge with videos because they always seem to do all these fancy moves and I could never keep up and would get discouraged. My kids did this video with me and it was simple enough in the moves that they did the whole thing but it still kicked my butt. It kills me to go up or down a step right now and I gotta do it again at 5 in the morning. OUCH! I'm hoping to see some results by weigh in but I guess I will have to wait and see what happens. Until then...