Saturday, November 7, 2009

I'm DONE!!

Okay, For all the people who stuck behind me and thought i could do this, i'm sorry.. For myself... I'm sorry...

I was only kidding myself in telling myself and everyone that i was doing this for me. Truth was my husband never wanted anything to do with me and i had convinced myself that if i could just look better and prove to him i could do it it might change things..

Today we actually had the opportunity to go and and have fun together.. Kids are spending the night at their big sisters house so we had all night to spend time together. Met around 6, went out to eat, and left at around eight o'clock... He headed home.. Didn't want to go do anything else.. Didn't plan on us doing anything together at home.. told me i could go pick up the kids if i wanted to.

Okay, i love this man with all my heart.. he is a wonderful person and a great dad... For the most part treats me really well, he is just emotionally empty towards me.. Never talks, never touches, never kisses, etc.

After tonight and crying for the past two hours i decided i just don't care.. I will still eat better, drink more water, and exercise some for myself, but i'm not trying anymore.. It's not worth it.

Karilynn... ur an amazing support system and i love you for being there.. i'm sorry i'm quitting on you.

I read all these stories from you guys and see how hard your working and some of you.. how much your husbands are showing you support and i am SOOOOO proud of you all.. you are doing so awesome and i hope you guys rock this month. I'll probably still do the weigh ins just so i can say i didn't walk out on the competition but i'm not expecting anything.. Love you guys oodles...

8 comments:

Sarah said...

I am heartbroken by your post and pray that you will find true inner happiness at any weight. Our physical beauty is only a fraction of who we are. I know that life is not what we always wanted or intended and I am sorry that life is not either for you. I support you NO MATTER WHAT! Maybe this competition will help you get some emotional support that you need. Please know that who you are is NOT what size you are. I appreciate your honesty and pray taht you will let us know how we can help.

Moi said...

I know how you feel. I have been there. I have had my heart ripped out and trampled on. It sucks. I also know how reading about how the supportive husbands hurts. You think, I wish that were me, if I had kind of support I could do so much better.

You want to know a secret, you can do it without him. Its hard, it sucks sometimes and it no easy but the highs you feel when you accomplish something is so much better when you have done it one your own.

I understand taking a timeout. You need it to heal. Hand in there and let us know if we can do anything for you.

Karilynn said...

You aren't quitting on me Christen, you are quitting on you. I am so sorry that life is hard... but I do know that you HAVE to do it yourself. You WILL do it someday, when you are ready. For now, continue to make healthier choices and take some time to just take care of yourself. I love you back! Let me know if there is anything I can do or say to remind you how beautiful and important you are!!

Vicki said...

This makes me so sad to read. I am so sorry that you are going through such a rough time. It is hard enough to eat right and exercise on days when little things go wrong, so I can't even imagine the extra motivation it would take in a time like you are having.
hugs

M and A said...

hopefully things will get better for you! just keep eating healthy and exercise. you need to take care of yourself! do this for you!

Wendy said...

I am so sorry. I would be devastated if I felt like I wasn't getting love and support from my husband. I think your husband is completely disconnected, and that would be agonizing.

I think weight loss, like many other things, HAS to be done for oneself. It can't really be for any external influence or it won't work.

Please don't quit on yourself. You need to love yourself and tell yourself that all this hard work is worth it. That YOU are worth it.

Ellura said...

Hey, hang in there. Life can be so difficult at times. I'm not good at saying the right thing but I've also been through some devastating times in my life. Just do what you need to do to take care of yourself right now. And remember, sometimes men are just plain stupid! :)

Our Fam said...

I am so sorry. My Hubby is less then emotional and its been a huge source of stress for me. He wants to be a good hubby, as long as it does not take any effort. Its sucks because when I need him and he isnt there, I eat to get the emotional boost I need. This competition has made me feel like I am not alone in this. I have not made huge progress but I have changed my attitude about myself. I decided I am worth it for me and not for him. I thought that if I lost the weight my Hubby would want to take me out and be nicer to me. Didnt work that way but I did like me better. I took time for me and it felt as good as the fudge or nachos do.