I'm DONE!!

Okay, For all the people who stuck behind me and thought i could do this, i'm sorry.. For myself... I'm sorry...

I was only kidding myself in telling myself and everyone that i was doing this for me. Truth was my husband never wanted anything to do with me and i had convinced myself that if i could just look better and prove to him i could do it it might change things..

Today we actually had the opportunity to go and and have fun together.. Kids are spending the night at their big sisters house so we had all night to spend time together. Met around 6, went out to eat, and left at around eight o'clock... He headed home.. Didn't want to go do anything else.. Didn't plan on us doing anything together at home.. told me i could go pick up the kids if i wanted to.

Okay, i love this man with all my heart.. he is a wonderful person and a great dad... For the most part treats me really well, he is just emotionally empty towards me.. Never talks, never touches, never kisses, etc.

After tonight and crying for the past two hours i decided i just don't care.. I will still eat better, drink more water, and exercise some for myself, but i'm not trying anymore.. It's not worth it.

Karilynn... ur an amazing support system and i love you for being there.. i'm sorry i'm quitting on you.

I read all these stories from you guys and see how hard your working and some of you.. how much your husbands are showing you support and i am SOOOOO proud of you all.. you are doing so awesome and i hope you guys rock this month. I'll probably still do the weigh ins just so i can say i didn't walk out on the competition but i'm not expecting anything.. Love you guys oodles...

nov weigh in

Well I guess I'm still in which really shocks me but I'm thrilled. I'm so close to being out of the 220s I can almost taste it. I will be by next wkend. Can't wait to see how everyone else has done! As with last time I can't upload a pic on here but it did get emailed to melissa. My weight this month was....

221.6

Almost 5 lbs!!!

Feeling better and Birthday Present

So I feel much better now and for my bday everyone pitched in and got me a new pair of the skechers shape up walking shoes. I have started back shredding with jillian michaels and the scale this morning said 223.4. Yay! I'm closer to being below 220. Maybe by next week. Still haven't quite figured out my new phone but wanted to post. Sorry haven't been commenting much but u all r doing awesome. Can't wait for weigh in on first!

Sick

Okay, I didn't want to miss a blog even though i don't feel like doing anything. I have been on the couch most of this week and finally went to ER last night where they confirmed my suspicions that i have H1N1 and it could last up to a couple of weeks.. No fun... So i really don't have much to update about my diet or exercise, i just wanted to follow the rules and not miss a blog. You guys are doing so well, keep up the good work. Hopefully i get to feeling better soon.

Today's Weigh In

Grrrrr... I can't upload a pic on my computer, but i did email the pic to melissa.. so here's what my weight was for this month.

226.2

No Reasons, because reasons are just excuses... I guess i'm just happy that i didn't gain or stay the same as my original weight.. I have this next month to look forward to, right? Wishing everyone luck on their weigh in's and this next month.

Shredding

So I got this exercise video today and have a new menu plan I decided to start trying tomorrow. I got a new exercise outfit today also. I hope to do enough exercise to where I have a need to expand my workout wardrobe. I have been watching what I eat and walking a LOT but I still am not really seeing any results. I plan to follow this menu and do the video at 515 in the mornings b4 I get my kids up for school....eat breakfast,take them to school and then walk walk and walk some more until I can build up to where I can start running some. I decided to try the video today when I got home with it. I've never been huge with videos because they always seem to do all these fancy moves and I could never keep up and would get discouraged. My kids did this video with me and it was simple enough in the moves that they did the whole thing but it still kicked my butt. It kills me to go up or down a step right now and I gotta do it again at 5 in the morning. OUCH! I'm hoping to see some results by weigh in but I guess I will have to wait and see what happens. Until then...

Apologies

I love to read everyones blogs and see how they are doing and offer a word of support when needed. Our keyboard messed up on our computer and some of ur pages I can't comment on my phone.I just wanted to apologize and thank everyone for their support and comments on mine. You guys are such good inspiritations and I know I couldn't get anywhere without support so thank you and I hope to get our computer fixed soon.

Feeling Stoked!!

Okay, yes i am still upset that my friends mother passed away, so don't take this that that doesn't still bother me. I will miss her tremendously and i ache for my friend and her family and their loss...

However, every time that something traumatic, or extremely happy, or depressing, etc. etc. happens in our lives, we cannot turn it over to bad habits and eating whatever whenever we want and just sitting on a couch feeling sorry for ourselves. if we did that we would all weigh 400+ lbs. and not get anywhere in life.

I was sooo down because i had been working so hard, and really watching what i ate and i was still weighing a lb more than my original weigh in. Yesterday started off with me climbing on the scale expecting to see 229 or 230, and low and behold it said 226!!! Yay!! it's not much, but at least i know it's not nothing. So i was already pretty excited about that, and decided to go look at some flea markets to see if i could find any bunk beds or tables for our new house.. I didn't find any furniture, but i got a jogging stroller for FIFTEEN bucks!!!!! It's a little sun faded, but it's fine. Tires are good, brakes work, and me and ryleigh tried it out yesterday as soon as we got it home (in the rain even). She loved it.

Today i'm working on going through stuff in the house, trying to figure out what we r gonna keep, what we are getting rid of, etc. We should have the new house out here and set up within the next 2wks, but with having to dig a septic and run utilities it will probably be a month b4 we can actually move into it. It's already noon and i ate a small breakfast. Normally i would have already eaten 3 or 4 more times by now, but i just happened to look at a clock and realized how good i have been doing lately. It's awesome to not let food control me.

There are many addictions, drugs, alcohol, smoking, etc. But i think what people fail to realize is that food can become an addiction also. I used to pride myself on not needing a smoke to calm my nerves or needing a beer to help me relax.. i then realized that i am just as bad, because regardless of what emotion i have, i would turn to food.. Happy? Let's celebrate and eat some cake.. Depressed? Let's drown it out with chocolate... it's the same thing... I am glad that i have realized this and that i am doing my best to overcome my addiction and become a stronger, prettier me. Thanks so much for all the support i have received and Congrats on all of your accomplishments. You guys are awesome!!

SERIOUSLY!!!!!

Well, i got on the scale this morning and was extremely dissapointed. My weight has been fluctuating, from 4 to 2 lbs down.. This morning.... I was a lb up!! What the Crap!! In my defense, this weekend, since last thursday night has been absolute hell! I worked Wed. night.. got home, laid down for an hour, got up to take kids to school, came home and took a nap with my two year old. I woke up to several calls on my phone that my dad had been taken by ambulance to the hospital.. he was okay, just had bad kidney stones, but he had bills due that day, so i had to go run some errands for him. In the end of running errands, i get a frantic phone call from my friend/neighbor saying that her husband is performing CPR on her mother. These people are basically family. My kids call them aunt and uncle and her mom and dad are grandma and grandpa. They are always here for bdays, cookouts, or a lot of times just to hang out and play cards, so they are really much more than friends.. So anyway, the paramedics get her back, barely, and rush her to hospital. They decide she is basically brain dead and want to withdrawl support, so we wait until friday night to withdrawl because they were waiting on another child to come in from iowa. Minutes before withdrawling, her husband has chest pain and gets admitted to the hospital... so we ended up moving her upstairs to a larger room and he was in icu friday and most of saturday. They finally let him out sunday around noon. We attended church sunday morning where they prayed for God to either let her go or heal her, as she had been fighting since fri night when they took her off of support. Our pastor came and prayed with the entire family in her room about 3:45 sunday afternoon. We were getting the kids rounded up around 4:30 to head home and get ready for school today and she passed right before we walked out the door.

It sucks, but i know she is in a much better place. I have to give myself credit, because for basically living at the hospital and doing fast food and pizza and cafeteria food, i did watch what i ate, but obvioulsy there was no time for exercise. I plan to get back in the groove today and just pray that i get some kind of results by the weigh in next month.

Thank Goodness for fresh starts!!

Okay honestly...I did do great over the holiday wkend but tues and wed were absolutely horribly. No matter what I ate I couldn't satisfy the hunger. And I missed sodas sooo bad. I've found its not the caffeine or sugar or even a particular soda that gets me. I like the carbonation. I found a wal mart brand flavored carbonated water that has no calories no sugar and no sodium. I finally found something I can have a little of and not beat myself up over it!!! So starting in the morning I am keeping a food diary and sticking to 1800 calories a day and starting back on my walking stroller or no stroller. Ill just keep dragging the wagon until I can get one. Thx to all the gals who have encouraged and inspired me and also motivated me to do better so I can kick some butt!!!

Crappy Day

So although i did awesome over the holiday weekend and watched what i ate, and still walked 2 miles every day, today is just one of those days.... i don't feel like doing anything and i want to eat everything in sight.. i hate these days. i wish i could just crawl in bed and sleep it away. (at least then i wouldn't be eating lol..) I know we all have those days so i know i'm not the only one struggling with it, it's just sooo frustrating.

Y can't i sleep???

So it's like four o'clock in the morning and i CANNOT sleep. This is like the third night in a row now. I go to bed early, and i've been getting up at six, and not taking naps, and still i cannot get any rest.. so discouraging. Anyone have any ideas not involving meds??

i've been doing good on exercise. Have been walking every day (sorry, can't run yet) and i've been keeping myself busy so i don't eat everything in sight. i'm the type that eats simply becaue i'm bored. Such a bad habit.

This weekend has already proven to be a challenge. We have already done two cookouts... I have managed to limit what i eat, no buns, no potato salad, and i made hubby cook chicken breast so i could stay away from all the juicy fatty red meats.. lol.. This morning is donut day at church. They have donuts the first sunday of every month. I have a cup of yogurt i plan to eat instead, but the donuts smell soooo good. My 8 yr old daughter is getting baptized this morning so i'm pretty excited about that too.

I'm already seeing a change on the scale and it's nice to see the numbers go down. Just pray i can stick with it and see a pretty good change come the first of next month. Just gotta keep on keepin on..

First Official Day So Far

i have to say i feel i've done pretty well so far for my first day. I got up at six, got kids ready for school, took them and got home a little b4 eight. I put my 2 year old in her wagon, and went walking on the road in front of our house. Walked for about a half an hour, then had to get ready to go BACK to the school for a meeting.

I did a calculation thing on some website to figure out just how many calories i need to be eating to keep up with my weight and exercise. I was thinking a maximum of 1500... I was shocked to find that based on my weight, height, age, and assuming 5 days of exercise, they recommend i do almost 2000 calories for weight loss, and 1856 for extreme weight loss!! Wow.. here it is over halfway through the day and i've only burned 580 calories.. and honestly... i'm not hungry.. so it's going to take a little playing around with to balance fruits and veggies with all the other GOOD stuff that i need to be eating but still stay within the range that they recommend i eat. It is true that if you don't eat enough calories your body will take everything that you consume and store it for fear of starvation. I've known that since anatomy class in college, i just never could figure out where the fine line would be drawn. Trial and Error i guess.. that's all i've got.

I have consumede almost my daily required intake on water already. i bought these nifty little 32+ oz bottles of water with a flip top lid.. Makes it more handy to keeep by when i'm doing housework whatever, plus it doesn't seem like i'm drinking as much water as 8 glasses. 2 of those bottles and i'm good for the day. I have yet another meeting at the school tonight but sometime tonight i want to go walking again. Hubby has bowling league so maybe after he gets home.. We'll see. It's been a good day so far, hope all the rest go as well.

First Weigh In

Okay my story is kinda awkward also although it doesn't involve fighting with my camera. I figure as long as i'm going to have the camera in hand each time i weigh it will be zeroed in so it will still show where i lost the weight... but.. my camera isnt' that heavy..





Anyway... I go to wal mart at ten oclock tonight to buy my scale cause i don't have one and i'm all psyched about getting started on this thing... First i have to spend more than i told my husband i would but i figured it would be okay... Then on the way home i start wondering if these things come with batteries.. I sure didn't think to check that. So i get home, decide i'm going to weigh nude, check to see if it has batteries (it does), then i go to find me some jammies to put on after i weigh... I get in the bathroom off the master bdrm, strip down with cam in hand, then realize i forgot a frickin pen... and of course i can't find one in the bdrm.. so here i go traipsing around looking for a pen buck naked.. LOL.. Found a pen, went to go step on the scale, had the cam ready..... THE SCALE DOESN"T WORK!!!!! I'm ready to throw it, cuss out wal mart, you name it, so i put cam down, flip the thing over, and the people that put it together had put the piece the battery touches in backwards.. so here i am sitting in the middle of the floor naked fixing the scale... not a pretty sight... but anyway, i fixed it, all was well, and i got my weight...however horrible it is, i got it, so here is my first official weigh in...

A Whopping 228.2 lbs. At least i can look forward to that number going down. I wish well to all and i appreciate all the support i have already gotten. I am so glad i got drug into this thing.

Intro to Competition

Okay, about the only person in this competition that knows me at all is Karilynn. I am basically a stay at home mom of five, with 6 more step children. We currently have 5 living with us and are trying to get custody of my hubby's 11 yr old. The other children are grown, except one who is 15 and chose to go live with his mother... i work in the PICU at arkansas childrens hospital. I was weekend night option for almost two years.. I just recently went zero based, so i only have to work 16 hours a month to keep my position, but i can sign up for any hours. Generally if they don't need me in the unit they will pull me to another unit within the hospital where they are short staffed.

I have been overweight for as long as i can remember.. When i got married the first time at 17 i weighed 170. Looking back, i would give anything to weigh that now. (even though my goal is btw 130-145.) I put on weight with each kid and justified my horrid eating with the lovely phrase "i'm eating for two". Well, i definitely got two of me. I have yo yo'd dieted many times and the most i have lost is down to 205 about two years ago. I super apologize but i have not yet gotten my scale. Money is pretty tight right now and i have no scale in the house, let lone a digital scale. I am hoping to run to wal mart tonight or tomorrow and try to find a cheap one so i can post my first weight on here.

I'm not really sure exactly what my plan is right at the moment.. .More physical activity is a definite, and cutting out sugar and white floor is also a definite.. I will WATCH calories, but i'm not so sure that i am going to be like i HAVE to eat this many each day... we'll see how it goes. Support... I basically have none.. My hubby is always telling me i'm not going to stick with it anyhow.. etc... so he doesn't even give it a thought when i tell him i'm going to try to lose weight. Just kinda brushes it off and waits on me to give up again. I'm planning on this time being different, especially since i will have support. Obviously my life is kinda hectic, and prolly will be even more so in the next coming month because we are trying to get a new mobile home and get it moved onto our land.. so with signing paperwork, moving the trailer in and getting it set up and water and electric run.. septic put in, etc... it's gonna be pretty busy, but i will check messages and update as often as i can. I look forward to making new friends and finally losing all this weight and feeling like a person again. :)

New Competition

So due to the prodding of a really good friend who i met about a year ago on http://www.weightlosswars.com/, i have decided to join a 4 month competion online. It starts Sept. 1st and ends Jan. 1st. One good thing about this competition is that it is going to force me to buy a scale, so i will have a regular way to weight myslef. According to the scale i used at my dads, i'm still at 226, my neighbors... i was down to 224, and the scale at my work said i was back up to 230 last night.. UGH!!! Are you fricking kidding me... Okay, so yes, a lot of it IS my fault. I've once again let my diet slack and i haven't been doing any walking. Beginning of the school year was crazy. So i'm hoping that this competition along with the support of other members will help me get to where i would really like to be. I guess i'm going to go on a hunt for a cheap scale tonight so that i can get my weight and picture turned in to the competition tomorrow. Best Wishes to all who enter. I'm not solely doing it to win anything. I need the support and motivation, and i know there are others who do also. A few more friends wouldn't hurt anything either.. :)

Pictures

So here's the pics i promised several days ago. These jeans are size 17, and i had to dig through my hubby's shirts to find a large shirt because i no longer have any that are too small for me. All the ones i have now are too big so there wouldn't be any way to tell a difference 3 months from now.

Sleep, What's That????

I've heard and read several times that any approach to weight loss can be hindered by not enough sleep. As a person who worked nights for ten years and now has to go grocery shopping in the middle of the night or clean because that's really the only time that i can, i decided to look up some information on just why that is. Here's what i found....

http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=52027

According to this article the first thing that i found interesting was that obese people tend to get less sleep than people with a healthy weight.. Interesting....
Apparently our bodies have decided that they are smart enough to run hormones 24 hours a day, and a lack of sleep messes with those hormones, which causes our bodies to crave more food. ( So that's why i was so hungry all the time). So not only does this cause weight gain, it can also lead to diabetes, which we all know is also a risk in people who weigh more.. Geeze, can it get any worse? There are several tips on this site as to how to get more sleep, how to fall asleep easier, etc.

So i guess not only do i need to make a dedication to eat less and exercise more, i also need to make a dedication to have a regular schedule.. Kinda crazy for right now i know, but once school starts it will be much easier, because i will HAVE to be up around 6 to get my kiddos to school, then i plan to go walking with my 2 year old, come home and clean, pick up kids, work on supper and homework, and by the time eight or nine o'clock rolls around i will be ready to fall in the bed.. lol.. So cheers to more sleep!!!

My First Triumph

Okay, so i couldn't take the suspense anymore. I had to know if all my hard work was paying off at least a little bit, so i went to my dads and borrowed his scale. It is ages old, but has a nifty little level thing on it where you can actually zero it. I'm not sure how close it would be to the scale that i used at my work, but i also dont' know how often i'll be able to check it there, so i guess from now on i'll just use his... Anyway... (drumroll please) According to what i weighed at work and what my dad's scale said, i lost 5 lbs. I'm down to 226 on my dads scale. WOOO HOOO!!!! Okay, so realistically, taking five lbs. out of 90 that i want to lose is a far cry from getting anywhere, but i least i know i'm not doing all of this for nothing. Today has been the only day so far i have not been able to walk. I clocked how far it is from the bottom of the hill by our house to the closest gas station, and it was a half a mile.. so from the bottom of the hill to phillips 66 and back is a mile.. Not to mention that our hill is like climbing a cliff. We live in Arkansas so we don't get a whole lot of bad weather in the winter but this hill is so steep if we get an ice storm everyone has to park at the bottom and walk up. The other day on my way back from the gas station i guess i got an extra boost of energy and i managed to make it over halfway up the hill without slowing down or stopping. Usually a quarter of the way up i'm doubled over trying to get my breathe.. lol.

My diet is going extremely well if i do say so myself. I stick mainly to vegetables making sure to eat enough chicken or peanut butter so that i get enough protein. I just got home from getting groceries, and i bet the cashier thought i was a vegetarian. I even bought a little bag of snow peas and tried those. Not too bad.. I was soooo hungry and i've been trying to find little things that i can nibble on and it will kill the munchies, so instead of snacking on cheeze its on the way home, i snacked on snow peas. About 5 of them and i was good. I have also noticed now that when i eat meals, i get less on my plate than i used to, but i end up not wanting to eat it all. The other day i caught myself forcing myself to eat something just because it was on my plate. At least i was conscious enough while eating instead of just shoving it down my throat to stop and realize what i was doing, tell myself how stupid i was being, and go put the rest of it up for later. I have since caught myself doing that a lot. And i've also found that i can stop when i'm not hungry anymore... not when i'm full. I think that's making a big difference. Before i would get 2 or 3 servings at each meal, now i can hardly finish one. I know it's only been a little over a week, but i've never lasted an entire week before. After the first couple of days and feeling like there was nothing i could do and i was just always going to be fat, i would give up and decide i was only happy if i could eat. Now i'm starting to realize that i can eat... just different food and not so much. Do i miss my mashed potatoes and pasta??? YOU BET!! But it's not killing me not having it. And as for the pasta, i can do whole wheat. Whole wheat spaghetti is a lot better than it sounds, and it's one thing that i can get the rest of the family to eat also. They say they can't really tell a difference. The one thing i'm having a problem with still is water. I HATE water. However, i have almost quit sodas completely.. my new beverage of choice is tea. I found out that caffeinated tea with sugar is just as bad as a soda though. I can do the decaff, that doesn't bother me, but i've always been skeptical of the sugar substitues. I did buy a big bag of splenda tonight to try in my tea though. I still need to work on more water, but at least i can drink a glass of tea and not feel as guilty. Can't wait till next mon. to reweigh myself. Am really looking forward to getting below 200!

Short Term Goal

Well, I now have a new short term goal. My Husband and i have made plans to go to indiana for thanksgiving this year. We are going to be gone for nine days. We will leave here Friday night before thanksgiving and get there Sat. morning. We will leave the kids there with my family either Sunday night or Monday morning and head to the Quad Cities in illinois, iowa to visit some of my husbands family and Jennifer's grave. I have set a tentative goal to be down around 200 pounds before we leave. So that gives me about three and a half months to lose roughly 25-30 lbs depending on how much i've lost so far. i think i can manage that, and anything extra that i manage to lose will just be an added bonus, right?? I have some jeans that i bought the last time i had lost a significant amount of weight. I believe they are size 17's. I'm gonna try to scrounge up a shirt that doesn't fit and put them on tomorrow and post some pics up on here. i'm hoping to be able to look good in THAT outfit before we leave for our trip. I could wear the jeans tight before when i was around 210, so that shouldnt' be a problem. It will just give me some added incentive.

Hubby bought pizza for the fam tonight.. I made him get me a subway sandwich.. on wheat.. no cheese thank you very much.. i think he has an idea that i'm still trying to lose weight, but i don't think he realizes how much he hurt my feelings. I didn't get to do much exercise today. Took the kids for a walk this afternoon but with six kids and two of them that insist on being carried i don't get a whole lot of cardio exercise. I'm gonna hit the track bright and early in the morning though.. Oh yeah!! I haven't had a soda in 2 days!!!!

I wish i could get some sleep at night. My body is so programmed for working nights that i just can't seem to get out of the habit, and i know that's not good for me either, but i just don't know how to get back in the swing of things. i just simply do not function until after twelve o'clock in the morning. I have got to get out of it though because starting Aug 19 the kids start back to school and with anna starting pre-k i have to take her to school and sign her in every morning, so i need to be up and showered and not looking like a hobo befroe they have to go to school. lol. Guess i'm gonna go try to get some sleep so until tomorrow.....

Exercise, Buffet, and Will Power

Well last night I made it to the track again with my two oldest girls. The did races and climbed on the bleachers while I walked. I did my first mile in 23 minutes. I began my second and tried running one of the curves. I guess its been long enough since I've been exercising that I'm just not ready for the running part yet. Kind of discouraging but I know in time I will be able to. So anyway I did my second mile in 22 minutes. Not so bad for someone who weigha 231 lbs. Huh?

As far as diet goes I've been doing really well. Drinking much more water and still have had no white flour pasta or potatoes. I've also cut back on how much I eat at a time when I eat. So my hubby outta the blue tonight decides to take us to golden corral to eat. Ugh! Right. I'm thinking to myself I'm gonna ruin all I've accomplished so far. Then I tried to justify my thoughts by telling myself its expensive and we don't get to come here often...all my old excuses. Yes I ate a little more than I have been but I had no pasta no potatoes and nothing fried. And I do have to say I probably ate half of what I used to. I did allow myself desert but it was like a half a piece of apple pie with maybe a half a cup of sugar free fat free yogurt on top. Lemme tell you it may not be perfect but that's a miracle for me. And I don't feel that I ruined my diet so much that I have to quit now.

I'm actually a little anxious now to go get on a scale but I want to try to wait at least a month and just keep up with what I'm doing. Can't wait to see the results.

So Far So Good

So its tues afternoon. I'm doing pretty good so far. I don't know when ill get to weigh myself again but I plan to wait a while so that I don't get too discouraged.I went to a meeting with my husband last night where they served cake. As good as it looked I managed to stay away from it. I've managed to cut white flour and most sugars. I must say I've done much better on my water consumption also. Still not where I should be but better and I've cut down to one can of soda a day. I decided I quit easier and quicker when I cut everything at once so I'm trying to take it in slower steps this time.

My short term goal....to be able to fit back in my 16 17 jeans when cooler weather hits...bout 2 months from now.

Long term...I'm not gonna set a size or weight but I want to feel comfortable wearing a bathing suit next summer.

Each person looks diff in diff sizes so since I haven't been below a 16 in as long as I can remember I can't imagine what weight or size I would feel good at.

I've cut back on work and no longer babysit other kids so when school starts I will only have my 2 year old at home. I plan on walking walking and more walking. Until then I want to go back to the track and take my oldest girls with me. They would have fun. Needless to say my stepdaughter quit on me. I guess I expected that and I always use what other people don't do as a reason that I can't do it either. So lame I know but we all have our excuses until we finally decide we've had enough.

I just want to be able to hide my weight loss until its a significant amount and theb buy something new and plan a dinner or something with my husband so that I can wear it and rub in his face that I CAN do it! With or without his support. Ant suggestions on hiding weight loss besides wearing baggy clothes? I dunno he's not home that often so may not be that hard.

Anyway... This site is more for my personal encouragement than anything but this time I'm determined!!!!

2 months later

Okay so its been almost 2 months and I hate to say not only did I fall off the wagon but I must have chewed on the tires when I fell cause I have gained almost 5 more pounds! Ugh. I feel like such a failure. I was so stoked about finally losing this weight.

Anyway I started my whole diet thing again yesterday. I have a friend that has lost 60 pounds in the last 6 months. I was showin my husband pics of her then and now and all he could say was ok so I asked him if that was all he would say if I did that. He just shrugged and said "u never stick with it anyway"! Wow what's the point right? I wanted to look good for him thinking he might actually act like he was attracted to me if I lost weight. So I guess I've decided to do it to spite him. I'm not gonna say another word to him. I'm gonna eat my lovely healthy food go for my walks and act like nothing is changing. I'm a very stubborn person when someone makes me mad and tells me I can't do something. Maybe this time ill make some headway. For me not him. Wish me luck

The Beginning

So this is my first blog on here. I'm used to myspace, but i guess i'll figure this out in time.

Anyway, I got the idea to start this page from a friend to keep up with my progress on my journey to lose weight. i have tried several times before wtih several different methods. Granted, i lost some weight but i would get bored or lose motivation and gained it all back. I finally decided to do this for ME!! (Well, for my husband and kids also). I want to feel good about myself and not be embarassed to go anywhere or for my kids' friends to see me and label them as the kids with a fat mom. So this time i decided... this is it.. this is MY TIME!!!

I guess i started Saturday morning. Friday night i had my last soda :(. I've been at the track every day except sunday because i was sleeping from work.. My step daughter wants to go to a regular gym, but i told her that i was not going to a public gym until i got down to 180, so she agreed to walk/run with me until i got to where i would go to a gym with her.

I've discovered that right now, i can run one curve of the track each time i come around ( i tried both, and i couldn't handle that yet) so if i run one mile, that's four times around the track, which means four curves, so i'm running almost a quarter of a mile total. Not too bad starting out with.

i guess that's not too bad for a first post. i'm gonna end with my current weight and measurements as of Early Sun. Morning. 6-1-09 as well as some torturing before pics taken on 6-2-09.

Weight 227.7 lbs. / 103.5 kg
R arm- 16 inches
L arm 15 1/2 inches
Bust- 48 inches
Waist- 46 inches
Hips- about 50 inches ( it was two 24 inch tape measures taped together)
Leg/Thigh - 28 inches
Calf- 15 3/4 inches